Gentlemen, let's talk about the cornerstone of our lives - our marriages. As men, we often pride ourselves on being problem solvers, providers, and protectors. But when it comes to nurturing our most important relationship, we sometimes fall short. Cultivating Connection with our spouse doesn't have to be difficult, in fact we're going to help you make it pretty easy. Today, I want to share some insights from my recent conversation with Oliver Marcelle, a relationship and marriage coach, about how we can intentionally strengthen our marital bonds every single day.
The State of Marriage in 2024
Before we dive into solutions, let's take a hard look at where we stand. Oliver pointed out that the biggest threat to marriages today is selfishness. We're living in an age where everyone's asking, "What's in it for me?" instead of "How can I serve?" This mindset is poisoning our relationships, affecting everything from communication to finances to conflict resolution.
The Communication Breakdown
One of the most alarming trends Oliver's seeing is couples who simply aren't talking. Or if they are, it's superficial at best. We're stuck in what he calls "level one or level two" conversations - the equivalent of water cooler talk or just stating facts. This lack of depth is creating a disconnect that's hard to bridge.
The Connection Crisis
Another issue plaguing modern marriages is the lack of genuine connection. We're not taking the time to build and maintain that intimate bond that allows us to navigate life together. And I'm not just talking about sex here, gents. It's about that deep, soul-level connection that makes your wife your true partner in life.
Building a Strong Foundation
So, how do we turn this ship around? Oliver shared four cornerstones that are crucial for building a strong marriage:
1. Know Yourself: Understand how you like to be communicated with, how you receive love, and what your most important emotional needs are.
2. Articulate Your Needs: Don't expect your wife to be a mind reader. Learn to express your thoughts and feelings clearly.
3. Find Common Ground: Develop a shared vision for your marriage. What are your goals as a couple? What do you want to be known for?
4. Create Experiential Intimacy: Build your bond through shared experiences, whether it's cooking a meal together or taking a trip.
Daily Practices to Nurture Your Marriage
Now, let's get practical. Here are three things you can do today - yes, today - to start nurturing your relationship:
1. Express Genuine Appreciation
When you get home, look your wife in the eye and tell her how much she means to you. Be specific. Maybe it's, "I really appreciate how you always make sure I have a clean shirt for work," or "I love how you light up when you talk about your passions." This isn't about empty flattery; it's about heartfelt gratitude.
2. Carve Out Intentional Time
Set aside some dedicated time for just the two of you. It doesn't have to be long - even 15 minutes of undivided attention can make a world of difference. Watch the sunset together, take a short walk around the block, or simply sit and talk without distractions.
3. Make an Unexpected Gesture
Do something out of the ordinary. If you haven't bought her flowers in a while, surprise her with a bouquet. Or maybe pick up her favorite snack on your way home. It's not about grand gestures; it's about showing that you're thinking of her.
The Power of Intention
The most crucial takeaway from my conversation with Oliver was this: be intentional about your relationship. Wake up each morning and ask yourself, "What can I do today to make our relationship thrive?" It's not about grand gestures or elaborate date nights (though those are great too). It's about the small, daily actions that show your wife she's a priority in your life.
Some Final Thoughts on Cultivating Connection
Remember, gentlemen, a strong marriage doesn't just happen. It's built day by day, moment by moment, through intentional acts of love, service, and connection. It's about choosing your wife and your marriage every single day.
We made it even easier for you, because I would not remember all this, so here is a free downloadable PDF that we made for you to work with
"The Man's Communication Checklist- 12 Fail-Proof Strategies for a Conflict-Free Marriage"
So, I challenge you: starting today, what will you do to intentionally nurture your marital bond? Your future self - and your wife - will thank you for it
Did you find this helpful? Would you like to go deeper in your marriage? Check out the full interview with Oliver Marcelle! Available on all Podcast platforms and HERE or Below
Or you can check out the full video below on our YouTube Channel or Below
About Oliver Marcelle
Author / Speaker / Coach / Podcaster
"I go on a journey with my clients. I help them discover and implement ways to communicate effectively and build relationships, both personally and professionally. Whether in a 1:1 or group setting, I inspire the confidence to explore and discover various communication styles. I provide the tools to successfully collaborate those styles in a way that ensures communication without frustration and judgment. Individuals/groups that work with me walk away with clarity, confidence, and an action plan" - Oliver Marcelle
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